It has brought to my attention that I have not explained the reason that I named this blog Exquisitely Stupid. I am not referring to myself in the title. When I started this blog there were so many things going on in my life that I needed to sort through. The title refers to how I view the pain that visits me on a daily basis and also to some of the more ridiculous events that I have had to deal with. I just never really thought that anyone would want to read my thoughts. It amazes me that you have come here. It also lets me know that I am not alone and that all by itself, is a pretty good pain reliever.
Knowing that you read my blog gives me something to focus on other than the pain. I look forward to the next post and sharing it with you. So I want to Thank You! If this blog has brightened your day in any way, then we have helped each other and that makes this blog worth writing.
If you have read through past posts then you all ready know that I have several chronic pain conditions. If you haven't, I will explain them to you. The short version, without all of the medical speak, is this, I have fibromyalgia. In my case it is genetic. It is passed down through the women in my family. I also have chronic myofascial pain (CMP). That came from a violent childhood that damaged my myofascia beyond its ability to heal itself and is made worse by the muscle spams that come with fibromyalgia. Those spasms cause tiny tears within the myofascia and the body tries to heal them with scar tissue. That scar tissue has gotten out of control, making my case more severe than it would have been without the CMP. I also have chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic migraine and we suspect Raynaud's Phenomenon but are still trying to pin point if that is part of the problem.
I am not the only person dealing with all of these problems. There are many of us, but for me, many days the pain is both exquisite and stupid. By exquisite I mean that the intensity can be over whelming. Some days it feels like there is a layer of gasoline between my skin and muscles and someone lit it on fire. Some days it feels like muscle is being torn away from the bone. Some days I can't lift my head from a migraine and some days I can't walk without falling down. The symptoms vary and the pain is severe. I never know what is going to hit me in the morning. It is stupid to have to hurt that badly. I find it so completely stupid to hurt this way that I have no choice but to laugh, which some people find morbid but if I don't laugh and if I don't find more positive ways to cope, I would give up and that just isn't in my nature.
I feel that I am fortunate in this fight against my own body. I have met many others who also fight this with a sense of humor and a positive attitude. I have an understanding family and a whole team of doctors that actually talk to one another. It took me eleven years to put together the team that I have but they are fantastic and I am grateful for them. I think God gave me a couple of bonuses to lean on too. Literally. I have a Great Pyrenees and a Pitt Bull who, though they were never trained to do it, know before I do if I am about to fall and they quickly position themselves in front of me and brace themselves so I can catch myself on their backs. It amazes me that they are so in tune with me and I am so grateful for them! Kissing the floor isn't my idea of a good time.
Occasionally I get an all most painless day. I look forward to those. In the meantime, I will take care of my rebellious body, search for ways to lessen the pain and deliberately do the things that I am told I can not. And when the pain is exquisitely stupid I will get back up. Every time.
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