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I did not post yesterday. Fibro got the better of me. I have kept a pain diary for several months now and I have noticed that when the barometric pressure hits 30, I'm in trouble pain wise. I am fine if it is 29 and I am fine if it's 31 but let it hit 30 and I feel like I was hit by a car! Why 30 is the magic number is still unknown. Maybe I will never know. The fibro body doesn't make much sense and no matter how much medicine I take, when the barometric pressure is 30, nothing helps. So I laid in bed with my electric blanket and prayed. I finally fell asleep not because I was sleepy but because I was exhausted from fighting the pain.
An exhausting, painful night makes for a cranky morning. I did my best to keep my crankiness to myself. I know that when I am in that kind of pain, I am like a wounded animal and my words bite if I am not careful. I don't want to hurt my family so I keep my mouth shut. This morning I began to wonder if that is really the best approach.
By keeping to myself and not speaking to anyone, I am pushing away the people who love me the most. The very people who I love the most. I changed my behavior this morning when I realized that by being standoffish I am hurting them. My daughter wanted a hug. Usually I would back away because I know that will cause me extra pain but guess what? By not hugging her, I was causing her pain! It really made me feel like I was being a bad Mother. I ended up explaining to her that Mommy hurt extra today so the hug would have to be extra gentle. She was fine with that. She just wanted to give me a good morning hug. The smile on her face warmed my heart and actually made me feel better. I made the decision to change my behavior permanently.
Normally on a day like today I would rest and try to recover from a pain filled night so in keeping with changing my behavior, I took my husband out to lunch instead. He did not expect that! We sat and talked for over an hour at the restaurant. He surprised me by telling me that he knew that I was struggling last night. I thought he had been asleep but he wasn't. He was quietly praying for me. I all most cried when he told me that.
I have been so surprised at what a change in my actions has caused in my home today. I ended up feeling better because I deliberately chose kindness over crankiness. My children have been happier today and my husband has been loving and attentive. Even with the extra pain, it has been a very nice day.
We had thunderstorms move through last night and that is what caused such agony. Unfortunately, we are expecting more storms to come through tonight and then again later in the week. I know what kind of agony is heading my way with the storms but I will choose kindness over crankiness. I know that I will not get much sleep and I will once again, feel like I have been run over by a car but I also know that the storms will pass and a few hours later, so will the worst of the pain. I will still deliberately choose to be kind instead of keeping to myself. My family deserves better from me and frankly, I deserve better from me.
I am not sure how many of you keep a pain diary or if you even know how, so I will explain it to you. I have a notebook that I fill in everyday. I write the date, the time, the weather conditions (stormy or sunny, the temperature, the humidity level and the barometric pressure). I also write down the phase of the moon to see if that has an effect on my body. I write down my level of pain on a scale of 0 to 15 (0 is no pain and 15 is the very worst pain of your life). I also write down exactly where I hurt and if it is burning, stabbing, spasming...what ever weird thing my body is doing.
After two months, I began to see a pattern in my symptoms in relation to the weather. Some days I hurt no matter how nice the weather is but I now know that the barometric pressure has a lot to do with my pain levels and if storms are coming, I do everything that I can to minimize the effects. Your pain diary is a helpful tool for your doctor too. Take it with you to your appointments and let him read through it so he can spot patterns that you may have missed.
In the mean time, I am preparing for tonight's storm by making sure that I have not forgotten to take my medicine and by staying hydrated. I have done some gentle stretching and I have turned on my electric blanket. This storm will pass by mid-morning and a few hours later the extra pain will follow behind it but I will choose kindness no matter how badly I hurt. It made a difference today and I am willing to bet it will be helpful tomorrow too.
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