Pajamas In Public

I would first like to welcome my Canadian readers. I appreciate you stopping by! Feel free to post in the comments section. I would love to get to know you!

I changed the look of the blog this morning. I liked it before, but it is a new year and I thought that we could all use a little bit of color and nature in our lives. I am a nature girl. Everyday of my life, I am in awe of the beauty of this planet so the new background seems fitting.

I have been thinking about the whole 'pajamas in public' debate and I wanted to talk to you about it to see where you stand. In my mind it is filed under the 'Do not do that!' list. What happened to people having enough integrity to get dressed before leaving the house? I have wondered for quite some time why people feel that it is perfectly all right to do their shopping, go to teacher conferences at their child's school or go anywhere in public wearing last night's pajamas. I decided to read a few different online forums and groups to see what it is that makes people feel that this behavior is acceptable. What I found both surprised and disappointed me.

I am a chronic pain patient, as most of you know, so that is where I started my search. I read a post from a woman who was ranting about the fact that she had received dirty looks from other customers when she had gone to Walmart having not combed her hair, wearing no bra and last night's pajamas. She even bragged about wearing her house slippers to the store and she blamed her lack of dressing on the fact that she has fibromyalgia. She said that she is in pain and therefor should not have to wear regular clothes because her pajamas are comfortable. To my surprise, there were thirty comments from people who not only agreed that it is all right to go out in public dressed that way but that they do it too. They advised the young woman to not concern herself with the dirty looks and wear her pajamas where ever she wanted to.

Just to get a male perspective, I asked my twenty-one year old son and my forty-five year old husband the following question; "When you go to a store or any public place and see someone who has not combed their hair and is wearing their pajamas (if it's a woman, also not wearing a bra) what impression do you get of that person? My husband said ,"You don't see very many men doing that. It's mostly women who do not respect themselves." That statement surprised me. At first, I thought it was harsh but then my son gave me his view.

My son said, "When I see someone dressed like that in public, all it tells me is they are sloppy and lazy and don't respect themselves. Mama, even if it was Meghan Fox, I would pass her by because if she can't bother to even get dressed, she isn't going anywhere in life." While their views may sound harsh, they have a valid point.

I have been a chronic pain patient for many years. I have FMS, CMP, CFS, HS, SS and we are trying to determine if Raynaud's is also a factor. I am a walking alphabet of pain but you will never catch me out in public wearing my pajamas. If I am at home and really not feeling well, then I might lounge around in my pajamas but most days, even if I have no place to go, I get dressed.

I am going to make my bed and get dressed so that I will be ready for what ever life brings me each day. By deliberately 'Showing up to my own life', I am better able to fight all of the illnesses that attempt to bring me down each day. I am not going to allow my quality of life to slip through my fingers because I would rather use my pain as an excuse to give up.

A huge number of pain patients are told that it is all right to just give up. It is never said in those words, it is said in giving each other permission to wallow in their pain and depression. It is conveyed in the attitude that  if you are in pain or dealing with anything hard, it is all right to not get dressed, not clean your house, not exercise at all because that might hurt. It is in the myth that if you are in pain or dealing with depression or a major life change that you are no longer required to show up to your own life. You get a free pass to lay on the couch in your pajamas and immerse yourself in misery until you die -and it's all right because there are others that you have found online that are doing the same thing and they told you it is just fine. Misery loves company and that company helps to breed more misery.

Having a chronic illness isn't a free pass to give up. Gentle stretching, even though it hurts in the beginning, helps as you get used to doing it. The body was made to move. Movement is healing. Even if you can only tolerate three minutes and work up to five. You have to start somewhere. Getting dressed gives your mind and spirit a boost and when you get a compliment, it gives the ego a boost too. It is so important to grab hold of the smallest things that make you feel even a tiny bit better. Getting dressed causes the mind to expect a little more activity each day. Soon you find that once you have gotten dressed, you begin to look forward to the day.

I was told to give up. I was labeled as being disabled. There is no cure on the horizon for all that has gone wrong in my body but I don't want to give up on my life. I only get one and though I know that finding ways to accomplish my goals while dealing with unrelenting pain is always going to be a challenge, it is more important to me to meet those challenges and find ways to overcome them so that I can live a happy, fulfilling life.

I recently went to the grocery store while in an extreme amount of pain and a lady had stopped me to ask about my coupon binder. While I stood by the eggs and butter and gave her a lesson in how to organize coupons and match them with sales and her reward card to maximize savings, a small crowd of women gathered around my cart, listening and asking questions. When I was finished, they all thanked me and went on their way but one woman came back and gave me her card. She told me that she really appreciated how friendly and accommodating I had been to total strangers and that she ran a candle business and would like for me to join her team. How amazing is that?

If I had given in to my pain and gone to the store in my pajamas, do you think the first woman would have approached me to ask about couponing? What about the other women? Probably not. I definitely would not have received a job offer on the spot! It doesn't matter how kind or friendly you may be, when you go out in public in your pajamas, you may be missing opportunities to make your life a little better, all because you did not bother to get dressed. How tragic is that?

Are you deliberately showing up to your own life or are you copping out and allowing others to tell you that it's okay to give up? How much do those people care about you if they are giving you permission to be absent from your life?

Showing up to your life is a choice that each of us has to make in our own heart. If you choose to project to others that you no longer care about yourself by going out in public in your pajamas and uncombed hair, then more of the same unhappiness will find you. Is that really what you want? To give up on you?

I don't look sick because I don't want to look sick! I get up, get dressed and show up to my life. I'm the only one who can make my dreams happen. I refuse to allow chronic illness rob me of my goals. Life really is what YOU make it. Your actions or inaction determine where you will be one year from today. Where will you be? On the couch in your pajamas or chasing down your dreams?

For those in chronic pain who want to begin to grab hold of a brighter future by finding ways to lessen the pain everyday, go see my friend Tanya at The Fibromyalgia Five Minute Fitness Challenge on facebook. It doesn't matter if you have fibromyalgia or some other chronic illness. It doesn't matter if you have no illness at all but still need the encouragement and lessons in gentle movement. Just take that first step -it's always the hardest one to take but after that, the rest gets easier.

You will always get out of this life what you put into it. Period. No one can live your life for you. You must get up, get dressed and show up to your life. If you dream of having a great life, chronic pain or not, get up and make it happen! You can do this!