The 'D' Word

I have come to realize that sometimes our best is just not good enough. That's a sobering thought. I am not someone who gives up easily. I tend to fight for what I want and for those who can not fight for themselves. My older sister once called me a pittbull. She had told someone that if they did not leave her alone, she would let her pittbull off the chain (meaning me) and they would be sorry they messed with her. I own a pittbull. I know how tenacious they can be. I just never looked at myself that way.

My younger sister has called me a Mama polar bear on many occasions. She said that a polar bear won't start a fight but if you mess with her or God forbid, her cubs, she'll end that fight in a hurry and you won't know what hit you unless you are lucky enough to regain consciousness. I suppose that is true about me when it comes to my children, but again, it's strange to be compared to such a powerful creature. Especially when lately I have been feeling so helpless.

I think that when we fall in love, we refuse to see our partner's flaws. Actually, it has been scientifically proven that for the first year in a relationship, there is a chemical reaction in our brains that prevent us from acknowledging our partner's flaws unless those flaws damage us in some meaningful way. After that first year, love is a choice. You see those flaws and you either acknowledge them, you choose not to see them, or you see them, accept them (and if you're smart you work to change those flaws) and make the choice to love that person anyway.

For the first sixteen years of my marriage, I chose not to see those flaws. I, like my husband's mother, had convinced myself that my husband knew what he was doing, even if he refused to explain those choices, he had his reasons for making the decisions that he made. There have been a few times that he and I went to war with each other but in the end, I always took every bit of the blame both because I idolized him and didn't want people to doubt him and because I chose love. I didn't care what anyone thought of me. That was not the important thing to my mind. What was important was his reputation. I did not want anyone to question him. Period. If anyone said anything remotely negative about him, they would deal with me. I was very protective of him, no matter what it cost me.

In our sixteenth year he knocked himself off his pedestal. It crashed to the ground, never to be re-built. The love didn't go away but the trust did. There are many reasons I did not leave. One - I'm not a quitter. I understood why he fell and I thought that if we worked together, we could evict the elephant in the room. Two- I grew up in turmoil. There was always a new husband. The children were welcome depending on whether or not the new husband wanted the children around and it was just a very confusing, abusive situation. I did not want confusion for my children. I am not one to jump from man to man to man. I did, however, want my children raised with both of their parents in a stable, loving home. I was not going to be my mother. Three- if I left, I had more to lose than just my husband. His parents are the only parents I have ever known. I didn't want to lose his family. His nieces are my nieces. His Mother taught me more about life and love than my own mother probably ever knew existed. His Daddy, well, his Daddy was the best man on the planet. He was a man who could see right to the heart of a situation and he helped me in ways that he took to his grave. I can only be grateful to have had these people in my life.

We are entering our twenty first year together. It will be our last. For the past four and half years we have had good moments but those moments are few and far between. The rest has been a quick slide down a dark hole. I don't do well with darkness. It is now affecting our children and I can not allow that to happen any longer.

Sometimes, people change so drastically that you no longer know who they are or maybe those things were there all along and you refused to see them. Either way, you can't keep feeding the elephant and expect there to be enough room for a healthy relationship. We have decided that I will move as soon as I can buy a home that is equal to what our family is accustomed too. We aren't going to be deliberately ugly about it. We will do our best to part company on good enough terms that we can remain friends and not harm our children any further. It's the best thing that we can do.

For some of our friends and relatives, this news will come as a shock. Others will say that they saw it coming. What it comes down to is this; you just get the one life. You can live it in misery if you choose. You can live it according to what others think you should do or you can love yourself enough to know when it is time to find happiness. There will always be a deep rooted love between my husband and I. You can't spend twenty years with someone and not love them. I want to see him happy and healthy and I want the same for me and our children.

So there you have it. I don't know what the future holds for me but I do know that I am looking forward to it. My husband will be free to live in what ever way pleases him and I will be free to finish raising our youngest child while chasing down my dreams.

Just to squash the rumors before they get started, I have no intention of dating until our youngest daughter graduates high school. She has four more years at home and I want them to be happy years not confusing years. She deserves all of my attention. My husband will more than likely date but it is his life and if that makes him happy, then he should be allowed to be happy.

It is sad that one story has to end before we can start a new book but at the same time, it's a blank page and I get to write it! We weren't meant to be miserable. We weren't meant to be shackled to a life that slowly kills the soul in order to be accepted by those who advise us to just stick it out. I refused to leave my marriage until I knew in my heart that I had given it all I had. I have done that. Love is not always enough. Stubbornness and tenacity is not enough. Deliberately blinding yourself to the things that hurt you is just stupidity. Love is hanging on but at times, it is also letting go. When you absolutely know that letting go will open the door to happiness for both of you, that is real love. It doesn't have to be ugly. It just has to be. So now you know.

Waiting For Me

I looked across the river and saw you standing there
The waves, they roared liked thunder
The wind whipped against my hair

Behind you shone the sunlight
Above me poured the rain
You called out something to me
The wind whisked your words away

You gestured wide behind you
Emerald fields and fruited trees
Thunder split brown earth beneath me
And brought me to my knees

Suddenly you whispered
Much louder than a shout,

"The storm resides inside you
It's within and not without!

Now you must calm the tempest
You must purge the rage
Release the ties that bind you
Cause the ropes to fray."

I listened with intensity
I watched you stretch your hand
And realized that in front of me
Stood the woman that I am

I turned to look behind me
Such misery and pain
You whispered, "Just look forward.
Don't turn around again.

Your name means something special
You used to hold it dear
It's something that defined you
And kept at bay the fear.

But then you let them take it.
They locked it in the dark
To diminish light eternal
Down to just a tiny spark.

The river is your savior
Now you must find a path
Leave the darkened world behind you
Find your peace and joy at last."

I looked across the river
And saw me standing there
The raging tide before me
The sunlight in my hair

I have whispered to my soul now
Of all that I should be
I sit down on the emerald land
And wait there still, for me



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turn right at the Freakishly Happy sign

There comes a point in life when you begin to realize that you aren't getting any younger and you haven't reached your goals. You begin to quietly ask yourself questions; Am I happy? What can I do to become truly happy? What do I need to change within myself and what obstacles do I need to remove in order to be happy?

Answering those questions honestly isn't always easy. Taking a hard look inward and seeing what you don't like about you sucks, to be frank. Looking around your little corner of the world and identifying the people, things and behaviors that bring you misery also sucks but if life is going to change for the better, you have to identify those things and then decide what to do about them.

I have been quietly exploring my little world and identifying the things that I want to change within myself and the people and things in my life that need to go now. Change doesn't come easy but in order to make the most of the days that I have been given, change must come. I have made a list of the steps that I need to take in order to ensure that I reach my goals. It is something that I have advised countless people to do. Now it's my turn.

In doing this, I had to remind myself to also look at all of the good things in my world. There are many and in the middle of changing all that is wrong, it is easy to miss all that is right. It is so easy to get caught up in every little thing that annoys you as well as, all of the glaringly huge things that are such a source of misery that we (I) often forget to look at what is right and good in life.

I find it amusing that part of my anxiety as I write this is letting the people who know me, know that I am unhappy and just about to do an about face and walk the other way. Changing my world isn't something that I take lightly. In fact, it is something that I have been chewing on for the past four years. The difference now is that all most all of my children are grown and I just turned 41. Life is too short to spend it miserable. I am done with miserable.

There are so many things in this life that I want to do. Things that I have been held back from either by circumstance, fear or by someone telling me that I can't do them. Forgive me but, screw that. A few years ago, I wanted to start a small business making and selling jewelry. I'm actually pretty talented at it but I was told that if I was going to be a writer then I couldn't have both. I was naïve enough to listen. But now, I'm asking myself, "Why can't I have both?" Recently I realized, I can, and much more than that. I can do what ever the hell I want to and the only person who can stop me is me. The only reason that I am not where I want to be is because I allowed someone to convince me that I couldn't get there. That was my fault for listening. I'm not listening to that negativity anymore. What I should have asked myself is why that person tried to discourage me.

I have spent the past two weeks making jewelry and researching the best ways to market my pieces. I have also been writing. Later, I will re-cover some of the furniture pieces that I have been meaning to get to and I will make every quilt, Christmas decoration, knitted sweater and what ever else I want to because I can and because I enjoy it all. Yes, it brings in income, which is a perk of doing what you love, and I intend to take that money and finally go spend some time enjoying the ocean in the Carolina's or maybe even a cruise. I have always wanted to visit Alaska. Maybe I'll make it in time to go salmon fishing -which would be amazing!

The point is, after I am finished slogging through the mess and muck that has caused so much misery, I intend to be freakishly happy and I will never apologize for it. Yes, there comes a time in life when you take stock of what you have and what you need for your soul to shine. You have to purge what is toxic to your spirit in order to find the sunshine again.

It makes me wonder about other people that I know. Life is not always the surface picture that we are presented. Human beings try to hide our flaws and our pain in order to appear happy and to keep others out of our personal lives. I do understand that. We don't always want others getting involved in our personal lives but what are we missing? Do our friends really feel that they can come to us with their storms when all we put forth is a false image of bliss? If you are blissful, then I am super happy for you but if you aren't, hey, I'm human too. I don't have all of the answers but I am here to listen. I am just as flawed as you are. I am human and humans are messy creatures.

I have just about enough jewelry made now to re-launch my dream. This time, I will close my ears to the negativity and give it wings to fly. I don't know where you are in life right now but where ever it is, find your happiness and grab it. Tackle it if you must but take hold of it and don't let it go. Plant it and care for it so it can grow into an amazing life. Don't be that person who, at the end of your life says, "I wish I had....." I want to be able to say, "I'm so glad I did...."

Sparkly Creepy Crawlies

We are heading into the second week that my husband has been home. In the construction business, things tend to slow down in the winter months. This winter has been slower than usual. I blame the economy. I have to decided to not allow myself to worry. What does worry really do for you other than give you ulcers? Instead, I am falling back to the natural talents that God gave me, both because they relax me and they bring in much needed cash.

I write because I love it and it brings in income but I do other things as well. I am a craftaholic. If Pinterest were a store, I would move right in. Forever. Yesterday I put my computer away and brought out all of my jewelry making supplies. I sat and made spiders. Yes, I said spiders. Those eight legged, creepy crawlies that I prefer never to come face to face with, but in jeweled tones, I not only like them, I see them as something beautiful.

Bugs are the big thing in jewelry this year. Don't ask me why. I really have no idea but I do know that they are easy to make and can be used in anything from scarf pins to hair bands to necklaces and bracelets. The list is really only as limited as your imagination.

My picture came out a little fuzzy. Maybe photography will be my next hobby but for now, I am just going to make a whole pile of crystal spiders and put them on what ever tickles my fancy. My youngest daughter, who does not like bugs at all, saw one of these little spiders and asked if I would make her a scorpion as a scarf pin.  I am going to do just that. Everything else will go in my etsy store and hopefully, find new homes.

My point in telling you all of this is that we each have natural talents that bring us joy and calm us when everything else seems to be going wrong. They can help get us through rough financial spots too. Doing what you love is not work. It is pure joy. Finding ways to earn a living doing what you love will allow you to live in that sweet spot forever. Kind of like if I was allowed to live inside Pinterest.

How do you turn your hobby into income? I suppose that would depend on your hobby. If you are an artist or crafter, run a search on places that will allow you to sell your art online. Etsy and ebay are both great places to start. You can place free ads on craigslist to sell what ever item or service that you are offering. There are also local yard sale sites on facebook that allow you to post your item/service for sale. Just run a search string: yardsales in (insert town or zip code).

Spending money to begin advertising is not necessary in the beginning. All of the websites that I mentioned will allow you to advertise for free and I know that there are more out there. When your business grows to the point that you need to reach out further, you can pay for advertising then.

I have found several lists of sites that offer part time work from home. I am going through those sites one by one to see which ones are not scams. Once I am through that list, I will post the legitimate sites here for you, but if you need a job now that is an actual J-O-B and not a home based business, I have two that I know to be legitimate. Westathome.com hires home based call representatives. I have worked for them and they do provide a two week training period (that you get paid for) and you are allowed to set your own schedules as long as you work at least 20 hours per week. I was paid on time, every time. You will need a basic phone line so that they can route their calls to you. The calls are generally those who are ordering from infomercials and catalog sales from several companies. When I last worked for them, I was taking orders for Eddie Bauer.

The draw back for West is that if you have satellite internet service or Voip, it isn't going to work. We now have satellite, otherwise I would still be working for them. I liked them very much. The other work at home job that I know of is West's competitor, AlpineAccess.com. They do the very same thing that West does. I have heard nothing but good things about them as far as making sure that you are paid on time, every time. You can also go to WAHM.com (Work at home moms) and scan through their job board. You will need to sign up for a free membership but it is totally worth it. The site has tons of information about working from home, a forum where you can network and get advice and the job board is updated daily. I visit the site often and have found several freelance jobs there.

As for me, I'm heading back to my bead boxes, needles, threads and wire. I have scorpions to make. If all goes well, these sparkly little bugaloos will keep the bills at bay. May you all have a sparkly day!

You Asked For What?

When I was a brand new Christian I wanted to be perfect. I knew that I had been saved from so many dangerous situations, so many times and I thought that I needed to be absolutely perfect to pay God back for saving me so often. I knew He had been the one that took care of me. I have never doubted that. I decided to do my very best to be the virtuous woman that Proverbs 31:10-31 describes. Epic Fail! That woman had help and she didn't have fibro and if my husband wants to sit on his butt at the city gates and listen to everyone tell him how blessed he is while I'm working my behind off, we have a problem. I'm Irish, not perfect.

I still believe it is important to be as virtuous as possible. Strong morals and values are important. If you don't know who you are and what you really believe, you just drift. I have always been stubborn once my mind is made up, but along the way I have earned some of the virtues that I possess. As a new Christian, I thought that if I asked for a certain virtue, it would just be magically granted to me. Kind of like fairy dust sprinkled down on my silly little head. Patience is one virtue that I earned the hard way. I think some of us have to be knocked down to get the message.

I was out of my mind frustrated that year and there was not a patient bone in my body. I worked 16 hour days at a nursing home while my husband traveled all over, removing asbestos from military bases. Our children spent the majority of their lives being cared for by my best friend, who was also our next door neighbor. I only saw them long enough to feed them breakfast and then carry their sleeping bodies home to bed at night.

To make matters worse, the nursing home refused to keep the equipment we needed in working order and some of the charge nurses were so incredibly lazy that they wouldn't get around to pulling patient files to see if a patient had a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate order) until after a patient had died. It was my experience that patients tend to die in three's. I don't know why that is. It just was. Some of those people did not have to die but when the law says that you can not start CPR until it has been confirmed that a DNR does not exist and the charge nurse is too lazy to pull the file, people die anyway. Some of them were my favorite people.

I had all ready been in trouble twice in two years. Once for starting CPR without a DNR confirmation (Once CPR is started, you may not stop until the EMT's arrive and take over) and once for beating the hell out of another CNA that my hall partner and I caught slapping one of my patients across the face. I'm still not sorry for doing that.

I sat on my front porch and cried just about every night after work. My husband kept telling me to quit and I knew that our children needed their Mother but I also knew that my people at the nursing home depended on me too. We were both working long hours, doing our best to save a down payment to buy our first home. We hated renting. Quitting meant it would be my fault that it would take a lot longer to save that down payment. I'm not a quitter but I wasn't patient either.

Before you ask God for patience, you had better be prepared to earn it. I had no idea I was biting off more than I could chew. I sat on our front porch in tears once again, after work and I begged God to just give me patience. If I could have that calm patience that I saw so often in my elderly friends at the nursing home, everything would be fine. I could get through without tearing myself apart. He said, "Sure kid! Let's get ready to rummmmbbblllleee!"

One month later, It was Jimmy's bath day. Jimmy was bathed every other day. We needed a lift for Jimmy because he weighed 417 pounds but once again, the two lifts that we had were both broken because Jimmy thought they were swing sets. He had Down Syndrome and he didn't mean to break anything. He was just having fun, but with the lifts broken, it meant that we had to pick him up to put him on a shower chair and roll him down the hall. Then he had to be lifted on to the potty to do his business before we put him back on the shower chair for his shower. We were supposed to have four people to lift Jimmy in order to keep him, and us, safe. As usual, we were short handed so there were only two of us.

We were all most there! We lifted Jimmy off the potty and he decided that we were his new swing set. He wrapped a leg around each one of us and bounced hard. He was giggling the whole time, which was cute, but we were heading for the floor and I knew if he hit the floor, he would cry and I would feel like a big, fat jerk for dropping him. Tracy had all ready been hurt by Jimmy once before when the lifts were broken, she let go and Jimmy wrapped both legs around me and bounced a second time. I weighed 107 pounds at the time. That's a 310 pound difference. But I'm stubborn, so I planted my feet and lifted him all most on to the shower chair when he bounced a third time and down we went. I didn't get back up.

I knew I was hurt, but Jimmy was crying and apologizing so I just laid in the floor with my arms around him and told him we were okay. Everything was going to be all right. It took a year to heal. My stubbornness ended with having every muscle in my neck, shoulders, back and hips torn. Three weeks later, while my husband was riding as the passenger in his work van, a semi rear ended them while coming down an off ramp. Danny saw it coming and put his feet on the dash to brace himself. The impact shoved his spine so deep into his pelvis that, to this day, he still walks like he just dismounted a bull. Guess who else was out of work for over a year?

This was early in our marriage. Neither of us were what you could call a grown up. Not emotionally. I had come from an environment where I had to fight for everything. I knew how to fight and I knew how to win. I did not know how to talk. I did not know how to lay down my pride and say, "That really hurt my feelings." Because in my world, that was a sign of weakness and weakness would get you hurt in a hurry.

My husband had come from an environment where he was not only the youngest child but also the only son. He had been told his entire life that he was perfect. He knew how to fight. When he was a little boy, he realized one day that he was a really good fighter. Other people realized it too.  He was not accustomed to being challenged. Certainly not by a little 107 pound woman. I think it amused him at first, but a year off with both of us hurt and neither of us willing to lay down our pride.....gooooood lord! Things got ugly quick. It wasn't long before we decided to go our separate ways.

He moved back home with his parents and I finally got to spend some time with our children. My husband and I were not hateful to each other during our time apart. He still came to visit our children and fix things around the house but what I did not know was that he and I were still on the same path. He was spending his time reading his Bible and going to school for C.A.D. and I was home reading my Bible and enjoying being a Mom. Each time he came to visit we talked. No pride, no stubbornness, just honest, this is how I feel, talk.

Here is my big secret; I finally learned to talk without pride and fear of being hurt getting in my way when I accepted that we were not going to be together anymore. Now he was just my friend. He was no longer someone that I worried would see that I really wasn't as strong as my stubbornness and pride suggested. With the husband title out of the way, I could talk to him. Except, he did not know that he was now just my friend. I thought that he did. After a year, I thought that was clear. Apparently not.

One day he suddenly realized that he was in the friend zone and had been for quite some time so he decided to break out of it and take his title back. He walked in my front door one day and announced that he was taking his family back and that was that. After I got over the initial shock, I kind of liked that. The rest, as they say, is history. My lesson in patience was not finished though. After our third child was born, I still had seven miscarriages to go through. Then I found out that I would never have a fourth child and that I have fibro and four other chronic pain conditions.

It has been a major growth experience, to say the least. I am so patient now, it surprises people. Sometimes, I surprise myself! Yes, I still get irritated. Like I said, I'm Irish, not perfect. I doubt I ever will be but I can certainly say that I am a patient person. I think that learning to be patient in all things is a part of becoming a grown up. Fighting in my house doesn't happen often and never the way it did twenty years ago. I think that if we had done more listening than arguing back then, we never would have separated, but it all worked out for the good of our marriage. You have to walk through it before you can learn the lessons.

I do not advise people to ask for patience unless they know what they are getting in to. It isn't going to be handed to you. You will absolutely earn it but if you're up to the challenge, when all is said and done, it will have been worth every second. I believe there is a plan for everyone and maybe I will never be the virtuous woman, but I am a better woman today than I was yesterday and a better woman still, tomorrow. I hope you earn the virtues that you want in this life and I hope you chase down your dreams. We get to do this just the one time. Even if the lesson is painful, make it count.

Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming

Today has been a bust and I am still in a mood about it. My husband has been home the entire week. I was really, really hoping that his boss would call and say, "Hey man, we have a job to do." Didn't happen. What did happen was my husband spent the day pestering me to the point of annoyance. I have never understood why it is my job to entertain him when he is bored. Rather than just let me work, he can find one hundred reasons to interrupt me every single hour of the day. I had many things on my 'To Do' list today. If I am very quiet and very lucky, I will get this one blog post finished without interruption.

I am not a big fan of the network news channels. I do know what is happening in the world but I strongly dislike listening to every rotten thing that happens on a daily basis. It puts me in a dark place because eventually, after listening to it, I begin to wonder if there is any good left in the world. My husband, on the other hand, believes that if he is home, he absolutely must have Fox News blaring from every television in the house until he falls asleep at night. He also believes that it is his job to commentate during the programs. Now, let's think about why this jumps on my last nerve so much; He has been home all week, which means that I have had to listen to Fox News every minute of every day. If I leave a room to go find a quiet place to work, my bored husband tracks me down and wants to tell me about who said what on the news so I never miss a thing.

He also decided to be helpful. Not throw in a load of laundry or wash a dish kind of helpful, which would have actually been helpful, this was the' surf the net to find writing jobs for my wife' kind of helpful. On the surface it seems like a really sweet, caring thing to do. In reality, I all ready have work that I am behind on due to our five day internet issue and as hard as he tries, my hubby has no idea what he is looking for. Every time I began to get absorbed in my work, he would interrupt me to come look at this ad or that ad that he found on craigslist. Then he would get upset when I would look at the ads and explain to him why each one was a scam. Long story short, between the news, which put me in a mood to begin with, the constant interruptions, the fact that my workaholic hubby is bored and looking to me to do something about it, impending bills and impending deadlines plus the fact that it is darn near impossible to work with him home, well, I would have gotten more accomplished just twiddling my thumbs.

He is currently sitting right beside me watching Bill O'Reilly on Fox News and every time he starts to open his mouth during a story I shoot him a warning look and he closes his mouth. I love this man but after another full day of getting nothing finished, I am irritated. After twenty-one years, he apparently never noticed that I need a little quiet to work. Believe it or not, even with the tone of this post, I have been surprisingly patient with all of these distractions today. I know that he is frustrated too. He is unhappy if he isn't working. As long as I have known him, he is a pain in the butt if he is not working. Even if it's just his weekend off.

In other news, to show you how far south my day went, my angsty 15 year old daughter has decided that she no longer wants to be my daughter. She had asked to go to her school Valentine dance. She also wants to go to the prom. I said 'No' on both counts. Back in October, I took her to the Halloween dance. She got into a fight, something she has no problem stepping up to, and I took her school dance privileges away for the remainder of the year. I suspect that in her mind, I was supposed to forget that I had taken that privilege away but I forgot to forget so when she asked and I said no, hell hath no fury like a red haired child. Now I am a terrible Mother and she does not want to be my daughter anymore. Geeze!

I am going to do my very best to salvage what is left of this day by attempting to make up with my daughter (She needs to know I love her even when she's mad at me but she is still not going to the dance) and I am going to try to get a couple of articles written and turned in now that my husband has noticed 'the look' and understands its meaning. Oh boy, I hope tomorrow is better than today and I certainly hope that none of us has too many days like this in our lives. I am going to take Dori's advice (Finding Nemo) and just keep swimming.

Give me a minute. I'll figure it out.

Murphy stuck with me for another week. Right after my last post, our satellite went down. Permanently. Seems we have been forced into an upgrade. After one angry phone call, we are getting that upgrade for free and a two year contract that insures that our bill remains the same BUT it took the company a week to replace our satellite and get us back online.

I can choose to be aggravated that I now have to play catch up. No Internet access means that all of last weeks writing jobs went the way of the dinosaur. Instead, I have decided that I will just be happy that we now have better Internet service and I have plenty of things to catch up on. I could have no jobs waiting for me.

Murphy has not entirely left us. My husband has not worked at all this week. He is not a happy camper. He is a workaholic who, when not working, lets his irritation be known all day, all through the house. I have not worked in five days due to the Internet issue and now he has not worked in three. We are both freaking out more than a little about our bill schedule. Try playing 'catch up' with a highly irritated husband stomping around the house. My concentration levels are not exactly at their peak and he is a definite distraction.

Before you ask, the answer is no. I have not returned to the sleep schedule that those elusive 'normal people' keep talking about. I get a few hours here and there but with all of the extra pressure lately, my mind has channeled the energizer bunny. It. Just. Keeps. Going.

The Carolina's have also been a big topic in my house. There is high paying, consistent work for my husband, an artists community for me, plenty of historic homes that need remodeling, ocean (which I have never seen, by the way. Not one. Ever.) and mountains for my husband. Our youngest daughter has a melt down every time the topic is brought up but if we decide to sell our land and move, she will be 18 soon enough. Who knows? She may like it there. She has never seen an ocean either. I bet she would love it. I doubt her melt downs would happen if there wasn't a boy that she has her eyes on.

Something has to give. My dreams are finally beginning to take hold and inch forward but we may have to move again in order for my husband to be able to chase down his dreams. We have done it before. I can work from anywhere so I am willing to move again. Especially if I get to play in the ocean.

I love Tennessee. I have for the past ten years but sometimes in order to move forward, you first have to move. Standing still is not an option. Not for us. Not for you. What ever dreams you are reaching for, don't stand still and wait for them to come to you. Literally chase them down. You will never catch them by standing still. Move forward. Even if it's baby steps. Keep moving forward.