Starting Over

I have come to realize that sometimes it is necessary to completely rearrange. Just wipe the slate clean and start all over again. I think there are times in life when you realize that things just aren't right and you have to tear it all down and rebuild it so it is right. Now, for some people that could mean renovating a room in their house or changing up their yard or changing out their wardrobe but for me, it means tearing down and rebuilding my little world. It is off kilter and I just don't like it.
For many of my acquaintances I have become that friend. You know the one. The friend that you call if you are bored and have nothing better to do. The one you call to do a little research for you that you don't feel like doing yourself. The one that you make plans with but always end up cancelling when something just a little better comes along. The one who does your favors and listens to your problems but doesn't really cross your mind until you need something else. The friend that you flake because you can and she'll be there the next time you need her.
I have been patient and let it slide with several people for quite some time now. But now I am done.
I am stubborn and sometimes I mistake that stubbornness for loyalty, which is probably why I have put up with it for so long. My husband keeps telling me that friends do not treat each other this way and I have not listened to him. I should have. But let's face it, if I had listened to him I would have had to do something about it sooner and I just didn't want to have to admit it to myself. I hate it when he's right.
So I am purging my life of everyone who treats me this way. You know what? That doesn't leave very many people left. Funnily enough, I am all right with that.
 Everything came to a head this week when I realized just how far I have let this go. I had one of the worst days that I have had in a very long time. My husband had to work late so I couldn't talk to him and my 'friends' sent me to voicemail - as usual, and it dawned on me; I don't treat people this way so why do I allow them to treat me this way?
I know that it was my own fault. People basically suck and will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. I won't allow myself to be treated this way anymore.
I am always telling people to take responsibility for themselves. I'm taking my own advice. I am going to spend some time by myself and work on the things that I want to accomplish in life and then I am going to slowly but surely surround myself with people who treat me the way that I treat them.
Once I decided to just face this and change it, I felt peaceful about it. That tells me it's all going to be all right.
Change isn't easy. Sometimes it's painful. But in the end, to have a little dignity, it's worth it.