Turn right at the Freakishly Happy sign

There comes a point in life when you begin to realize that you aren't getting any younger and you haven't reached your goals. You begin to quietly ask yourself questions; Am I happy? What can I do to become truly happy? What do I need to change within myself and what obstacles do I need to remove in order to be happy?

Answering those questions honestly isn't always easy. Taking a hard look inward and seeing what you don't like about you sucks, to be frank. Looking around your little corner of the world and identifying the people, things and behaviors that bring you misery also sucks but if life is going to change for the better, you have to identify those things and then decide what to do about them.

I have been quietly exploring my little world and identifying the things that I want to change within myself and the people and things in my life that need to go now. Change doesn't come easy but in order to make the most of the days that I have been given, change must come. I have made a list of the steps that I need to take in order to ensure that I reach my goals. It is something that I have advised countless people to do. Now it's my turn.

In doing this, I had to remind myself to also look at all of the good things in my world. There are many and in the middle of changing all that is wrong, it is easy to miss all that is right. It is so easy to get caught up in every little thing that annoys you as well as, all of the glaringly huge things that are such a source of misery that we (I) often forget to look at what is right and good in life.

I find it amusing that part of my anxiety as I write this is letting the people who know me, know that I am unhappy and just about to do an about face and walk the other way. Changing my world isn't something that I take lightly. In fact, it is something that I have been chewing on for the past four years. The difference now is that all most all of my children are grown and I just turned 41. Life is too short to spend it miserable. I am done with miserable.

There are so many things in this life that I want to do. Things that I have been held back from either by circumstance, fear or by someone telling me that I can't do them. Forgive me but, screw that. A few years ago, I wanted to start a small business making and selling jewelry. I'm actually pretty talented at it but I was told that if I was going to be a writer then I couldn't have both. I was naïve enough to listen. But now, I'm asking myself, "Why can't I have both?" Recently I realized, I can, and much more than that. I can do what ever the hell I want to and the only person who can stop me is me. The only reason that I am not where I want to be is because I allowed someone to convince me that I couldn't get there. That was my fault for listening. I'm not listening to that negativity anymore. What I should have asked myself is why that person tried to discourage me.

I have spent the past two weeks making jewelry and researching the best ways to market my pieces. I have also been writing. Later, I will re-cover some of the furniture pieces that I have been meaning to get to and I will make every quilt, Christmas decoration, knitted sweater and what ever else I want to because I can and because I enjoy it all. Yes, it brings in income, which is a perk of doing what you love, and I intend to take that money and finally go spend some time enjoying the ocean in the Carolina's or maybe even a cruise. I have always wanted to visit Alaska. Maybe I'll make it in time to go salmon fishing -which would be amazing!

The point is, after I am finished slogging through the mess and muck that has caused so much misery, I intend to be freakishly happy and I will never apologize for it. Yes, there comes a time in life when you take stock of what you have and what you need for your soul to shine. You have to purge what is toxic to your spirit in order to find the sunshine again.

It makes me wonder about other people that I know. Life is not always the surface picture that we are presented. Human beings try to hide our flaws and our pain in order to appear happy and to keep others out of our personal lives. I do understand that. We don't always want others getting involved in our personal lives but what are we missing? Do our friends really feel that they can come to us with their storms when all we put forth is a false image of bliss? If you are blissful, then I am super happy for you but if you aren't, hey, I'm human too. I don't have all of the answers but I am here to listen. I am just as flawed as you are. I am human and humans are messy creatures.

I have just about enough jewelry made now to re-launch my dream. This time, I will close my ears to the negativity and give it wings to fly. I don't know where you are in life right now but where ever it is, find your happiness and grab it. Tackle it if you must but take hold of it and don't let it go. Plant it and care for it so it can grow into an amazing life. Don't be that person who, at the end of your life says, "I wish I had....." I want to be able to say, "I'm so glad I did...."