Hermit, yes. Antisocial, no

I have not posted in a month. I have no excuse really. I think about it but then I bury myself in research or house work and do not log in long enough to do what I am supposed to do , which is to maintain this blog. I apologize to my readers, if there are any left. I will now be held accountable for posting at least a couple of times a week. My husband has agreed to nag, ahem, remind me to keep writing. I think he is looking forward to it.
I have become a hermit by choice. My autoimmune diseases make getting out very often unpleasant. I do walk with my daughter and I enjoy it. I run errands when I absolutely have no other choice but other than that, I choose to stay at home.
Over the past several years, I have gotten to know myself very well and I like me. What I did not like, I changed and what I did like, I nurtured. That statement, by no means, is to be taken as 'she thinks she's perfect.' Not at all. But I have learned to recognize my faults and since I spend so much time alone with me, I have the time to work on those things.
Now I am going to start working on the things that I have been afraid of. I am an artist at heart and as a means of earning part of our income. Part of my creative side includes writing. I have many stories collecting dust on the shelf. Do you know why I haven't done anything with them? Fear. Plain and simple.
A good chunk of my existence was a horror story come to life so I am drawn to the mystery/horror genre. I'm good at it. I'm not even going to apologize for that last sentence and feign modesty. I am good at it.
I have allowed three people to proof read two of my manuscripts, all three had nightmares - which made me proud as punch! I do not write to frighten people. I write to conquer the fear at the end of the story. I enjoy writing if no one knows that I am doing it. Then I am just writing a story for pure enjoyment and to get it out of my head. When other people find out I am writing, it becomes a whole other animal and I don't like that beast!
My husband loves that I write. Not because he reads so much but because he sees dollar signs. That puts pressure on me to produce and takes the enjoyment right out of the process. He can't help it, I think. He has seen my work and he gets these big ideas - she's gonna sell a million books! They will turn it into a movie! - Pshh! I have explained to him that less than 1% of manuscripts go that distance. He is still hopeful. It's nice that he has confidence in me but again, sucks the fun right out of it.
Problem #2. My Mother in-law. This is a woman who has never read a word that I have written but because of the genre, she loves to tell me how writing 'those things' goes against my being a Christian and could invite spiritual things into my home that do not belong here. (If I roll my eyes any harder, they may roll out of my head!) Point is, it causes me to feel as though I should write under an alias so she won't know what I'm doing, rather than write under my own name, which I happen to be proud of. It's a conundrum. She's a busy body and IF I am published under my own name, I'll never hear the end of it.
Problem #3 - Fear of success. I let a new friend know earlier today that I have this problem. I thought it might be a fear of failure. But no. I can handle that. If I am successful, that has the potential to open a can of worms too. I'm not talking fame and fortune. I'm talking about people that I dislike suddenly wanting to be my best friend. If I am a success, that will happen. Count on it.
Problem #4 - Getting over problems 1 - 3 and doing what I love for me. That is what I am working on now. It's a process. Over coming fear is a hill to climb but I am ready to climb it.
Because I am a self imposed hermit, some people believe that I am antisocial. Not true. I am very social. Online. I do not think that I have to be in your presence to let you know that you are someone that I care for and am interested in. When I have the rare day that straying too far from home isn't going to cause major discomfort, I'm happy to go visit my friends. Otherwise, I do most of my socializing online. Like now, for instance. I am talking to you. No, we are not face to face but I am talking to you and I want you to know that I care about you. Who ever you are, where ever you are, you are an important person. Not because you are reading this blog but because you are a human being who deserves good things. It's just that simple.
Many of my friends are in the same boat that I am in with different life altering ailments. Some of my friends have fibro, others MS, others are diabetic or have epilepsy and we have all learned that spending time with ourselves isn't such a bad thing after all. And that is the beauty of the internet and writing. Without these two things, most of us would never have met and we could be desperately alone right now. I believe everything happens for a reason. Now I have good friends who, like me, are not going to let their illnesses beat them. I keep seeing how blessed I am. :)
So, back to problems 1 - 3, it's time for me to figure this out. Suggestions would be appreciated.
I love ya'll! Have a great night!