Craving the rose

Anne Bronte wrote; But he who dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.
I have grasped many a thorn in my life. The one rose that I really want, I have not grasped because I have allowed the opinion of others and the 'what ifs' to become too thorny.
I sat down with my husband last night and listed all of the reasons that I have not picked up my writing. The very same reasons that I listed in my last post. He sat quietly listening and when I was finished, he sat there for a few minutes not saying anything. Now, I'm not sure what he was thinking in those moments but it seemed as though he was trying to choose his words carefully. I just stayed quiet because my husband is not much of a conversationalist to begin with. If he has something to say, I listen simply because he doesn't speak unless it's something he wants to be heard. Otherwise, I mostly carry on conversations with myself while he claims that he's 'just listening' while I know he's off in his own head thinking of the next job he needs to get done. Occasionally he'll nod or grunt so I'll think he's listening to me. Last night, he was listening.
When he did finally speak, the first thing he said was 'Don't get mad.' Not a good start. I told him that he could say what ever he wanted to and I would sit there quietly and listen without getting my feelings hurt. 'Good' he says, 'Sounds like a bunch of excuses to me.'  Well that surprised me.
He told me that if I allow what his Mother thinks to stop me from writing then I must have changed because he- "has seen time and again, when you decide to do something, you do it and you don't care who likes it. You just get it done." Then he said something that I did not know and made me tear up. He said, "I have always admired that about you."
He said that what ever happens once I have a manuscript or two out there, we would deal with it. Just write.
My new friend, Tanya, (now I have two friends named Tanya, both good ladies!) sent me a message this morning and in that message she said, 'Just write!'
I had read a blog post in which the author had to give herself permission to take a nap. (I want to say it was Tanya's blog but I have read so many lately and I'm dealing with fibro fog, I don't want to get that wrong.) I realized, I was waiting for someone to give me permission to use a God given talent. I was so concerned with what the repercussions would be that I put down something that I love and walked away. Not only was I waiting for my husband to say 'ignore my mother' I was waiting for ME to give myself permission to be myself! Good Lord I am a clueless dork sometimes!
I have given myself permission. I am dusting off the manuscripts and trying to decide which one to start with. I have spent the afternoon kicking around story lines and kicking some out. I am finally excited instead of nervous.
My husband is right, I have made the decision and now I will plow ahead until I am holding my book in my hands. I am off to grasp the thorns!