Getting Naked

It's not what you think. Getting naked. It's more like being willing to admit something that too many people are ashamed of. Having OCD.
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is just a part of my day. I laugh about it but it can sometimes be annoying. I do know people who are so completely serious about the fact that they have OCD that you can't even crack a grin about having it yourself around them without them being offended. I have actually been lectured by another person with OCD because she felt that I do not take it seriously enough and she found nothing funny about it. I told her to take a chill pill. She doesn't speak to me anymore. If you know me, you know that cracks me up. It reminds me of The Joker, "Why-so-serious?"
OCD is a serious disorder for many people and there are medications (aren't there always?) to help control the symptoms but I just let it fly. I understand why I am obsessive compulsive. I remember when it started. It was during my 'childhood' when counting was the only semblance of control that I had. I counted everything; cars that we passed, brick buildings, the tips of my fingers over and over and over again, leaves on flower stems. After a while, it became important to me to know the number. Always. How many leaves did that flower stem have? How many times could I count my finger tips in an hour? I realized all by myself when I was twelve that counting wasn't helpful. It did not stop the bad things from happening to me so I only had a false sense of control. That realization led me to do something more productive with that impulse. Reading became my compulsion. I read everything; books, labels, magazines, signs and now the internet! And so my OCD evolved again. Research. I love it and I'm good at it. I have a question, I can find the answer in about a minute. That helps me in my day to day writing but the big deal for me is that I get to learn something new, which I absolutely love!
OCD for me is all about control, even though I am aware that I have none when it comes to the big scheme of things. As I said, it can get annoying. For example, laying in bed at night, toasty warm and ready to fall asleep and my brain whispers, 'Are you absolutely certain that you checked every lock in the house?' I answer myself, "yes." But my brain says, "Are you really sure you didn't miss one? While you're thinking about it, are you certain that every knob on the stove is in the off position?" CRAP! Up I get to check everything for the THIRD time. Never fails. If I don't, I will not sleep. That is all out of a need to keep my family safe. I was not safe as a child and I am compulsive in the extreme about keeping my family safe. So compulsive, that when I learned to shoot, I practiced until I became proficient at one shot, one kill, for two reasons; I hunt and do not want an animal to suffer and two....well, break into my house and find out.
I am compulsive about cleaning. I appreciate the things that we have and want to take care of them but I am also germaphobic and if the house gets cluttered, claustrophobic. My husband appreciates that he lives in a clean environment, the kids, not so much. It's not a museum in here but I am constantly wiping down a surface and disinfecting, both because I have a compromised immune system due to fibro and because I do not want my family getting sick. Here is where that compulsion gets in the way, I can spend the entire day meticulously cleaning just one room and get absolutely nothing else started, much less finished. Then I beat myself up (major anxiety) for not having better time management skills and for not having done the whole  house. On the upside, that room is done and I can move on to the next in a day or two.
I know that for many people OCD is debilitating and medication is required, but for me, though annoying at times, I am aware of it and I have found that I can help it evolve into something productive. Maybe someday I will overcome it, maybe not but it is part of who I am and more often than not, I find it amusing that I'm so anal.
You don't have to hide it if you have OCD and you sure don't have to be so serious about it that you can't laugh at yourself. Sure, there is a stigma but really, who cares? There is a stigma or a label for everything. You don't have to worry about what others think of you. You only have to get to know you well enough to like you and.....if you have a sense of humor, be able to laugh at you. We're all a little cracked and fractured and that's all right because we're all human. One of my favorite quotes (and I don't even remember who said it) is, 'God bless the cracked pots, for it is they who let in the light.' Don't hide you in the dark. Now if you will excuse me, it's time to check the locks.