Most of us have been discriminated against for one reason or another. Maybe we are over weight or under weight. Perhaps we have frizzy hair or short hair or a color that someone decides they don't like. Maybe we are female in a male dominated career or male in a female dominated career. Perhaps you love someone of the same sex or feel that you were born in the wrong body and others refuse to try to put themselves in your shoes.
Or maybe, just maybe you have a chronic, debilitating disease that leaves you screaming on the inside while looking perfectly normal on the outside. I have heard it all...'You look fine.' 'You don't seem sick.' I have been called everything from a drama queen to a hypochondriac to a flat out liar when it comes to my chronic pain. I have had doctors ask me if I wanted pain pills, all most as though they were testing me; ready to label me a drug seeker until they later found out that they had prejudged me. I have had family members gossip about me, saying that I'm not really in pain, I'm just lazy.
As a person with a chronic illness that isn't prominently displayed on the outside, we get to face all manner of criticism and have rumors spread about us. How do you deal with that?
I have heard so many of my fellow fm friends cry because someone that they loved called them any number of vile things and let them know that they did not even believe they were ill. It is such a hurtful thing to have those that you love not believe you much less educate themselves about your disease.
For me personally, I start by explaining the quick version of what is happening to me. If they are interested, I go more in depth, but if they aren't, I leave it at that. Some people get irritated that I don't hang out with them as much anymore but I have explained until I'm blue in the face. I'm finished explaining. I now feel like, if they didn't listen the first fifty times that I explained, they aren't going to listen the fifty first time either. I'm not going to waste my breathe anymore.
I became so tired of trying to squash the rumors and explain myself that I finally realized that by worrying about what other people thought and said about me, I was actually throwing myself into flares. I was allowing the opinions of people who were willfully ignorant to affect me in the worst possible way. So I stopped. Those who talk badly about me, I walked away from. Those who refused to try to understand why I can't always just jump in the car and go, also ended up in my rear view.
I basically purged my life of all of the friction. I had done my best to educate those people. I had done my best to be patient and kind but there came a point when I had to be more selfish and do what was best for me. I have to admit, I am soooo much happier and more relaxed without all of that drama surrounding me.
I do not advocate kicking loved ones out of your life unless they are causing you to be absolutely miserable. Everyone has the right to handle these situations in a way that is best for them. My whole point is, you do not have to tolerate discrimination. You don't deserve it. What you do deserve is a life full of peace and happiness and those moments of pure joy. I believe that you actually have a right to those things without someone stepping in and ruining it for you. I know that most of you have faced discrimination and I am so sorry that happened to you. Those people have no idea of the strength that you posses. You have to have a deep well spring of strength just to get through each day with chronic pain.
I know that some of you feel alone. Guess what? You aren't. I am in your corner and there are countless others of us cheering you on. You are NOT your disease. You are strength and beauty undeniable. That is my two cents for today. Be nice to you!
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